Mrs B tells it like it is

My dearest lubbers,


I am currently around the Horn of Good Hope (a delightful place), so I've engaged a guest columnist for the next few letters...none other than the lovely MRS BUTTONS!


Now, I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but I have to mention that my sweet other half has somewhat of a no nonsense manner about her, and gets a bit exasperated by my tankards-half-full approach (no, i'm not apologizing for you dear, i'm celebrating the wonderfulness of your prosaic nature)...err, i've got to get going, jigs to jig, barrels to roll etc etc - Good Luck!


CB
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Dear Captain Buttons

First of all, thanks for being here...you're pretty cool :)
Any advice on how to productively go through a break up? It was only a 1 1/2 year relationship, which doesn't seem like that long, but it was an eternity trying to figure this guy out.
So here I am, tired of being sad and self medicating.
Thanks,
:(  .........  :)

Dear Sad Face,
While I’ve been given the task of stepping into the giant shoes of Captain Buttons I’ll be doing so in a no nonsense manner, coddling gets you no where (as I have repeating told the Button, but he is a sucker for a sob story) - yes I am sympathetic to all your dilemmas - BUT!.... under my clock NO means NO and we all have to make some sacrifices so Mrs Buttons is a pretty nice lady but she doesn’t take any shit from anybody, sorry if all you wanted was a pat on the back and a high five but lets get real,  most problems stem from within and I’m no different. So if you wanted real advice from a real person you came to the right place.     :( …… :) for starters you had a 1 and a ½  year relationship with someone that took an eternity to figure out.  Chances are the person with whom you were involved with wasn’t really that into you as much as he was into the sex, here’s your unexpected high five, you have great sex skills. No problem you may already know this, but what to do with the lingering feelings of sadness and self-deprecation. First can we please stop the sadness, while this one guy was probably easy on the eyes or at least after the lights went out, he isn’t the only man in this world.  While being sad and sorry for yourself is an easy escape, look at the long term prospects of such activity - loneliness.  If the idea of being sad and lonely appeals to you continue said medication.  On the other hand you’re great in bed and self medication is so much funner if there is someone else to share with so what are you waiting for, forget that dude.


Next....


Mrs B