Mrs Buttons v the timid

The captain is currently on a voyage of self discovery, so this column has temporarily been taken over by the brusk mrs buttons.  feel good normality will be restored soon...in the meantime...

Dear Captain Buttons

I'm worried that I may never get the social scene. If I don't have friends, I am upset and feel alone. If I do have friends, I don't know how to act around them if they say something out of line. I also feel overwhelmed, which makes it harder to be friendly. What do I do? Is there something wrong with me? I don't know if I could be honest with people I consider friends out of the worry I may lose them. How should I go about being truthful without hurting peoples feelings?

Thanks for hearing out my worries.

anonymous

Dear anonymous, Geez Louise all this worrying is starting to make me nauseous.  While there is no indication of your age in your letter I can safely assume that since you’re old enough to compose your thoughts to words you must be able to get yourself out of bed, dress yourself, probably prepare your own meals and do most other things living people do.  With that in mind I’m not really sure you’d be able to do any of that with all the worrying going on.  First and foremost friends, just like you, are real people with real feelings, insecurities, fears and any other assortment of emotions that real people have.  They need love and care and sometimes they need to be told how important their friendship means to you.  Friends are friends because they can share any number of emotions with each other without fear of judgment or ridicule.  You don’t want to lose the people you consider your friends?  Tell them just that, tell them how important their friendship is to you and that having them in your life is the greatest gift you could have ever asked for, chances are if they really are your friends they will reciprocate the feelings you have shared with them and then you all can get onto more important things like taking walks through the park or going for coffee or doing whatever it is that friends do.

Mrs, goddamn straight talking, Buttons

Mrs B tells it like it is

My dearest lubbers,


I am currently around the Horn of Good Hope (a delightful place), so I've engaged a guest columnist for the next few letters...none other than the lovely MRS BUTTONS!


Now, I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but I have to mention that my sweet other half has somewhat of a no nonsense manner about her, and gets a bit exasperated by my tankards-half-full approach (no, i'm not apologizing for you dear, i'm celebrating the wonderfulness of your prosaic nature)...err, i've got to get going, jigs to jig, barrels to roll etc etc - Good Luck!


CB
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Dear Captain Buttons

First of all, thanks for being here...you're pretty cool :)
Any advice on how to productively go through a break up? It was only a 1 1/2 year relationship, which doesn't seem like that long, but it was an eternity trying to figure this guy out.
So here I am, tired of being sad and self medicating.
Thanks,
:(  .........  :)

Dear Sad Face,
While I’ve been given the task of stepping into the giant shoes of Captain Buttons I’ll be doing so in a no nonsense manner, coddling gets you no where (as I have repeating told the Button, but he is a sucker for a sob story) - yes I am sympathetic to all your dilemmas - BUT!.... under my clock NO means NO and we all have to make some sacrifices so Mrs Buttons is a pretty nice lady but she doesn’t take any shit from anybody, sorry if all you wanted was a pat on the back and a high five but lets get real,  most problems stem from within and I’m no different. So if you wanted real advice from a real person you came to the right place.     :( …… :) for starters you had a 1 and a ½  year relationship with someone that took an eternity to figure out.  Chances are the person with whom you were involved with wasn’t really that into you as much as he was into the sex, here’s your unexpected high five, you have great sex skills. No problem you may already know this, but what to do with the lingering feelings of sadness and self-deprecation. First can we please stop the sadness, while this one guy was probably easy on the eyes or at least after the lights went out, he isn’t the only man in this world.  While being sad and sorry for yourself is an easy escape, look at the long term prospects of such activity - loneliness.  If the idea of being sad and lonely appeals to you continue said medication.  On the other hand you’re great in bed and self medication is so much funner if there is someone else to share with so what are you waiting for, forget that dude.


Next....


Mrs B